Burn
by shannyfish
Summary: Alex and Maxwell incur the fallout of the events of "Hurricane". Alex needs time and doesn't see a future with Max, but he's still fighting for some kind of relationship with her just the same. #12 - Count Me In series
"You and your words, obsessed with your legacy…

Your sentences border on senseless

And you are paranoid in every paragraph

How they perceive you"

~ "Burn" from Hamilton the Musical

* * *

"Your house looks and smells like a florist-"

"I know! It's _awful_!" Alex groaned. "Can you take these ones away to some hospital or nursing home or something? At least those people would actually _enjoy_ them."

"You know, you could try actually _communicating_ with him, letting him know you don't actually want this attention," Kara pointed out. She lifted Alex's extended legs, sat down, and let her legs fall in her lap. Alex was suddenly wondering if it was a good thing that her sister had a key, of course...the key did help to keep her door and doorknob being broken in or a window, for that matter.

Alex glared at her sister. "He doesn't exactly listen or do things the right way…"

"He's _Maxwell Lord_ , Alex." Kara was quiet for a moment. "But at the same time...it's _you_. I can't really blame him for not wanting to let you go...because that's something _I_ could _never_ do."

"I'm going to be here with you forever," Alex promised Kara as she grabbed both of her hands in hers. "I'm going to drive you crazy until you decide that you really don't want a sister anymore."

Kara just shook her head, still bright at that. "Never going to happen."

"Oh, I'll keep trying."

Now her sister was giggling at that. "You're not going to get rid of me...and I never am going to want you out of my life… You and I, Alex…together...until the end."

"Of the world? It's not May."

Kara shook her head at that teasing.

"It seems like the world is always ending," Alex commented. "It's like any other Monday."

"You know what we need?"

"Less flowers in my apartment?"

"Ice cream."

Ice cream.

"I'm not going to argue with that."

Kara looked at her seriously. "But do you have any?"

Crap.

Alex frowned deeply and crossed her arms over her chest. "No…" She sighed, irritated at herself for not having been more responsible. They hadn't been back from Midvale for that long, though, and Alex just hadn't had the time or motivation for grocery shopping. She slumped even more into her couch.

This had to be the worst day ever.

She glared at the nearest bouquet of flowers.

"Why couldn't he have at least send ice cream?" Alex grumbled, still upset about their lack of ice cream. She had really been looking forward to sharing ice cream with her sister...even if it had only lasted two seconds.

"If...you'd... _talk_...to...him…" Kara said slowly as she side-eyed her sister, getting to her feet as well, and letting Alex's feet fall back onto the couch.

"Be kind to me, Kara…"

She watched as her sister walked around the room, inspecting every arrangement and removing the card. "I am...I'm not going to read what these say...but I'm going to stack them up on your counter...and then I'm going to fly them to National City General...on my way back, I'll stop for ice cream."

"You are the best."

"I know."

Alex just smiled at that.

* * *

There was a knock at her door. Alex's eyes moved from left to right as she tried to figure out who would be at her door...actually using her door. She hadn't ordered pizza or Chinese. Kara would just fly back through the window...and if not, she had a key. Grabbing her gun off of the coffee table instinctively, she moved to the door. Sucking in a breath, she peered out through the peephole and then grumbled. Unlocking the door, she pulled it open, but just a few inches.

"What are you doing here?"

"You haven't returned any of my texts or-"

"Max, _why_ are you here?"

"I missed you, Alex," Max said sincerely. "I know that you're upset-"

Alex really didn't know how to respond to that. She _was_ upset, but she was so many other emotions too. "I don't want you to send anymore flowers…"

"It doesn't look like you got any of them."

Sighing, she put her gun in her back waistband before pushing her hair until it looped around her ears. "Max, I don't want them… I had Kara take them to a hospital… I just couldn't look at them."

"Well, that was nice of you."

It was awkward. For both of them. That was clear. She just didn't know what he expected from her. "I'm glad that I got to see my father again. Thank you for that...and for everything that you did for him. I really do appreciate it."

"But?"

"But...you should have just told me...you should have told me and Kara… Maybe things could have been different, but you kidnapped me, Max. Do you understand that? You kidnapped an agent to a foreign country…"

"I know," he said and looked down. Max looked back up at her. "I was afraid I'd lose you...that's stupid. I know that now. God, Alex...I know that now. I haven't been thinking straight since we've been back… All I can do is think about you and this pretend life that's still in my brain...and I want to have that...or some version of it that's our own-"

"No."

"Alex-"

"No," she whispered sadly. "You and I...we're _never_ going to work out, Max. You _burned_ that bridge… I know that you had good intentions…"

"But the road to hell is paved with good intentions," he mumbled and ran his fingers through his hair. She knew that that wasn't what he wanted to hear. "Please…" he whispered as he turned to face her. "Just...don't banish me… We could be friends, right? Colleagues? Acquaintances? _Something_?"

"Max-"

"Alex, I know that I can be arrogant and-"

"Shh…" she shushed him unable to listen to anymore. He was to the point of pleading and that was beyond unlike Maxwell Lord. Alex opened the door enough so that she could stand in the opening. She wasn't actually sure what she was going to say. She was quiet though and thoughtful. "Maybe we can be _friends_...but I'm not ready for that _right now_. You're going through a really hard time and I told you this before...you don't have people you can talk to in your life...and I mean _other than me_. You _have_ to find someone you can talk to…maybe even at the DEO...one of the counselors there, so that you can fully explain the situation without them thinking you're crazy." She paused. "But _I_ went through it, too, Max… I was kidnapped for all the _right reasons_ , but it was still _wrong._..and I'm _still pissed_ at you for that. At the same time, I am _so grateful_ for what you gave me…" Alex swallowed and sucked in a breath. "I have _so many_ emotions that I need to sort, I need time to myself… _I need space_ , Max. We have to have _boundaries_ and you have to _respect_ them."

"I-I can do that. I understand. I can wait," Max told her and he seemed to mean it. "Just please, don't push me away."

"No more flowers."

"Okay."

"No more texts...unless I text you."

He didn't seem so sold on that. "Okay," he finally said after a hard swallow. "But…"

"Boundaries, Max...space... _we need them_."

Max looked so lost. She was finding it harder and harder to push him away, but she needed her space. "I will do as you wish," Max whispered. " _I love you_ , Alex. You should _know_ that. I _can't stop_ thinking about you." He sighed and turned away from her. "Tell me what you want me to do," he stated as he turned back towards her. "Do you expect me to just go back to work? Act like nothing ever happened? Like-"

" _No_ ," Alex told him firmly and yet gently. His eyes met hers and Alex was really having a hard time keeping her stance. "I want you to be Maxwell Lord. I want you to be a better person. I want you to use the power you have to make the world _better_...in the _right way_."

"Imagine what we could do together…"

And she'd thought about that. Science had been the love of her life for so long...that was until J'onn had saved her and recruited her to the DEO. She'd needed that. She'd needed to be saved. She'd needed to be rescued. She'd needed discipline. She'd needed to belong somewhere. She'd needed a purpose. J'onn and the DEO had given her all of that. She was so much stronger now. She still could do science, but it wasn't as much of a passion now as it had been before. It was part of her life, but it wasn't what she lived for and breathed.

"My place is at the DEO, Max," she whispered.

"I know," he responded sadly. "I get that… Just...if you change your mind...know that you have options…" He was quiet for a moment. "I hope that this doesn't mean that you won't call on me if your friends at the DEO need my help...because I'll be here, Alex."

"That's good to know," Alex told him. "I appreciate it."

"We're all in this together, right?"

"Right."

He reached out and touched her cheek and though Alex thought about pulling away, she didn't. There was still something inside of her that missed Max and missed his touch. It was only getting harder for her the longer he stood at her door. "I'm going to go, but know that I'll come when you call...when you need me... _if_ you need me... _no matter what_ ," he told her gently before leaning in and placing a quick kiss on her cheek. "I already miss you."

"Bye, Max," she whispered as she took a step back, her hand gripping the door. Closing the door, she locked it and then pressed her back to it. She was ready to break down and saw Kara across at the window. Her sister had just returned with the promised ice cream, but Alex had no idea how long she'd been standing there and how much she'd heard. Alex couldn't hold it all in, though, she broke down and slid down the door. She couldn't always be the strong one, if she was going to break down in front of anyone...it might as well be Kara.

Her sister didn't say anything. Alex covered her face and just cried. She heard a door on the refrigerator open and close before arms wrapped around her. Alex looked up to see Kara had sat down next to her, her sister scooted the extra inch until their sides were touching, and had her arm wrapped around her lovingly. Alex collapsed into her shoulder, Kara pressed a kiss into her hair, and Alex cried as Kara just hummed a song...it was a familiar song...something that Kara used to hum when she'd first come to Earth. It was a reminder that she was safe, it was an extra comfort.

* * *

Moving on was hard when there was reminders everywhere of things she'd lost over the last couple of months. Alex moved to the counter to find the rather large pile of floral cards that had been in each bouquet that Max had sent to her and then Alex had requested Kara to take somewhere else. It was better that there were people that were actually enjoying the flowers because she hadn't...they had only made her more upset.

Picking up one of the cards, she read the words.

They were simple.

They were sweet.

They were true.

And it was then that she'd realized that he'd handwritten each and every card. He hadn't just called the florist and told them what he wanted written on the cards. No, she knew his handwriting and this was it.

Crap.

Tears fell down her cheeks and she felt so stupid for being so upset over it. She needed to get rid of them. She couldn't continue to look at them. No, they needed to go. This was like spring cleaning, except for her _soul_ and _sanity_.

Gathering up the cards between her hands, she moved over to the trashcan and as one slipped out...falling into the trashcan, Alex couldn't bring herself to just throw them away. That just wasn't therapeutic enough. It wasn't what she needed. Right now, she wanted to punch something.

Leaning down, she grabbed the stray card from the trash and kept it gathered with the others. Alex moved to the stove and dropped the cards next to it. She sighed and turned on the gas burner. She waited and watched the flame for a moment. Alex bit her bottom lip for a moment and then grabbed the first card. Reading it, tears slipped down her cheek and she sucked in a shaky breath before lighting the edge of the card on fire. She watched it for a moment, the heat nipped at her fingertips and Alex gasped and dropped it on the stovetop.

It didn't stop her, though, she just kept burning the cards. She didn't care the mess of burnt cards on her stove top or the ash that had scattered. Alex didn't care that her fingertips were screaming at her to stop. She just continued reading, burning, and discarding each card.

Burn.

They all had to burn.

Every compliment.

Every sweet message.

It all had to burn.

The journal.

She stared at it in her hands as she sat on her bed.

It was the last thing that she had possession-wise that reminded her of Max and that relationship that had been forced on both of them. As Alex held it in her hands, she couldn't stop from opening it...and starting to read it. To touch each picture. Her hand moved up to hold onto her pendant and to remind herself that none of it had been real.

Her mother was alive and well in Midvale.

J'onn was alive and at the DEO.

Kara was alive and at CatCo.

The world hadn't ended.

Not the entire world, at least.

Closing the journal again, she couldn't bring herself to destroy it. She curled up on her side and slid the journal under her pillow. She snuffed and told herself that she wasn't allowed to cry anymore. There had already been enough tears that she'd shed.

No more.

Not now.

Not over this.

She just wanted to burn.

* * *

The End.


End file.
